Isle of the Damned

Isle of the Damned - 2008 - USA - Cannibal/Comedy/Parody

Dir: Mark Colegrove

The first time I attempted to watch Isle of the Damned it was with a few friends.  All of us decided to shut it off and watch something else within the first 60 seconds.  No, it wasn't because we saw something that shocked us, it was because as soon as the film starts, it reeks of trying too hard. Today I decided to give it another chance, but its still clear that this one is in desperate need of a tad bit more subtlety.

The plot revolves around a crew of idiot morons that decide to sail to an infamous island to seek out a treasure.  Their plan is quickly thwarted as they find the island is inhabited with savage cannibals. What follows is quite dull and unoriginal.

This movie claims to be a lost European video nasty from 1980, but unfortunately it doesn't take long for anyone to notice that its clearly an American film that was made in the past 10 years.  The "aged film" filters aren't convincing as the colors are still too vibrant and the picture quality is crystal clear.  The film is dubbed throughout, and the voice acting is horrifically overwrought. Clearly they were going for comic relief, but it doesn't come off as funny, just annoying.  The protagonist, named Jack Steele, sports a shitty blonde wig and a fake looking 70's handlebar mustache, and is dubbed with a blaxploitation type voice, (which I've seen pulled off well in other real European films) and the other characters are mostly dubbed with intentionally high pitched, child like, irritating voices.

Isle of the Damned is a lackluster attempt at both a comedy and a parody, and I'd say is on par with one of the later Scary Movie series or a bad Wayans Brothers film.  I chuckled maybe twice throughout the whole movie.

There are plenty of attempts at shock scenes.  Fetuses are ripped out and eaten, people and castrated, and there is entirely too much rape, Unfortunately nearly all of them are poorly executed and failed to stir any sort of emotion out of me other than apathy.  The only kill scene that I got a kick out of  was when a giant paper mache snake ate a dude's face.

One thing Isle of the Damned taught me is "Don't judge a DVD by its cover."  This film, according to the cover, is "The 1980 cult classic . . . for the first time in North America", and "Banned in 492 Countries!". (which of course is far fetched, but appealing none-the-less)  The cover art is pretty great too, and is perhaps the only thing about the film that looks vintage and authentic.

Isle of the Damned is a lousy film.  It falls flat in all aspects, and fully failed to entertain me.  Avoid it at all costs, unless your a fan of shitty parody movies and the Scary Movie series.

Plot - 5/10
Blood n' Guts - 5/10
Laughs - 2/10
Shocks - 3/10
OVERALL - 3/10    


Investigator Jack Steele

 A crew of boring, uninspired characters.  Good thing they all die. (Spoiler? Meh, who cares.)

Native Cannibal.

 A redeeming kill scene.

Some gore/