Flesh Freaks

Flesh Freaks - 2000 - Canada - Zombie

Dir: Conall Pendergast

Flesh Freaks is another Sub Rosa Studios film.  It sports the typical Sub Rosa Releasing traits, the most common being nearly non existent production value.  This is what I consider a Z-Grade film.  Made on a budget of maybe just over $1000,  and amateur as all hell.  The camerawork is shoddy and shaky, often times shots are blurry, the lighting is all practical (meaning they didn't bother setting up lights), the sound varies in volume, some scenes are blown out and others are hard to hear.  Flesh Freaks is what you would expect from a bad student film.  Lousy editing and "acting" (if you could call it that).  Despite all these flaws, I happen to be someone who is very tolerant of these kind of movies, in fact I seek them out. I'm always hoping to find that Z-grade diamond in the dust.  Occasionally I do, Flesh Freaks, however, was not one of them.

This one gets off to a painfully slow start.  The plot focuses on a college student who returns from an archeology trip to Central America, bearing with him a deadly parasite that turns humans into flesh eating zombies, and spreads at a rapid pace.  This film takes ENTIRELY too long setting up the back story.  The first 50 minutes or so feel like they exist for the sole purpose of filling in the 79 minute time slot.  The first half of the film is chock full of boring conversations explaining the students trip to his friend, and pointless flashback shots of the jungle.

The jungle scenes are definitely not shot in Canada, although most of them look like they were taken straight from a tourist's camcorder.  Overly long shots of an Iguana eating fruit, tropical birds and palm trees, some with voice over and some without.  Just a very dull, sleep inducing watching experience.  I think the director of this film probably blew the majority of his budget on a trip to wherever he shot all this mind numbingly stupid footage.  Just when I was about to give up and turn this monotonous shit off, the film gets somewhat back on track, as zombies begins rising from the dead and attacking students in the college campus. 

The first almost cool kill scene happens in the college when a zombified science professor gets mutilated with a god damn plastic desk fan...Jesus Christ.  Unfortunately there wasn't any real gore to speak of, just shots of blood splattering on the walls and and running down the zombies' white lab coat.  A small crew of students in the college eventually meet up and fight off the zombies.  (pay no attention to the fact that the college is completely empty except for them and a couple of zombies.)

I was really hoping that this would finally be the films redeeming moments.  Maybe some good kills and gore?  That wasn't what I got.  Despite there being a couple of decent looking impalement's and such, most of the kills are total cop-outs. Very few feature anything but badly edited stabs, often the screen will even flash bright red during the moment of impact, then there will be some shots of blood spraying on the walls.  Booooring.  Perhaps the best thing about the kills was the objects used to dispose of the zombies.  I think the director literally went around the college campus, picked up random objects and said "What about this?  You could kill someone with this, right?"

 Flesh Freaks is a prime example of what you get when a couple of students get together with no money, no knowledge of film making and storytelling, and probably little familiarity of the zombie genre.  A real stinker.  Avoid it.


Boredom - 8/10
Blood n' Guts - 4/10
Action - 3.5/10
Camerawork/Lighting - 2/10
Acting - 2/10
Plot - 1/10
OVERALL - 2.5/10

A minute long shot of an Iguana eating fruit.........

 The well in the jungle from which the parasites came

 Decapitation with a desk fan.  I wasn't lying.

 A decent impalement.

 A zombie about to get faced with a broom handle.

Isle of the Damned

Isle of the Damned - 2008 - USA - Cannibal/Comedy/Parody

Dir: Mark Colegrove

The first time I attempted to watch Isle of the Damned it was with a few friends.  All of us decided to shut it off and watch something else within the first 60 seconds.  No, it wasn't because we saw something that shocked us, it was because as soon as the film starts, it reeks of trying too hard. Today I decided to give it another chance, but its still clear that this one is in desperate need of a tad bit more subtlety.

The plot revolves around a crew of idiot morons that decide to sail to an infamous island to seek out a treasure.  Their plan is quickly thwarted as they find the island is inhabited with savage cannibals. What follows is quite dull and unoriginal.

This movie claims to be a lost European video nasty from 1980, but unfortunately it doesn't take long for anyone to notice that its clearly an American film that was made in the past 10 years.  The "aged film" filters aren't convincing as the colors are still too vibrant and the picture quality is crystal clear.  The film is dubbed throughout, and the voice acting is horrifically overwrought. Clearly they were going for comic relief, but it doesn't come off as funny, just annoying.  The protagonist, named Jack Steele, sports a shitty blonde wig and a fake looking 70's handlebar mustache, and is dubbed with a blaxploitation type voice, (which I've seen pulled off well in other real European films) and the other characters are mostly dubbed with intentionally high pitched, child like, irritating voices.

Isle of the Damned is a lackluster attempt at both a comedy and a parody, and I'd say is on par with one of the later Scary Movie series or a bad Wayans Brothers film.  I chuckled maybe twice throughout the whole movie.

There are plenty of attempts at shock scenes.  Fetuses are ripped out and eaten, people and castrated, and there is entirely too much rape, Unfortunately nearly all of them are poorly executed and failed to stir any sort of emotion out of me other than apathy.  The only kill scene that I got a kick out of  was when a giant paper mache snake ate a dude's face.

One thing Isle of the Damned taught me is "Don't judge a DVD by its cover."  This film, according to the cover, is "The 1980 cult classic . . . for the first time in North America", and "Banned in 492 Countries!". (which of course is far fetched, but appealing none-the-less)  The cover art is pretty great too, and is perhaps the only thing about the film that looks vintage and authentic.

Isle of the Damned is a lousy film.  It falls flat in all aspects, and fully failed to entertain me.  Avoid it at all costs, unless your a fan of shitty parody movies and the Scary Movie series.

Plot - 5/10
Blood n' Guts - 5/10
Laughs - 2/10
Shocks - 3/10
OVERALL - 3/10    


Investigator Jack Steele

 A crew of boring, uninspired characters.  Good thing they all die. (Spoiler? Meh, who cares.)

Native Cannibal.

 A redeeming kill scene.

Some gore/

Cannibal Apocalypse

Cannibal Apocalypse - 1980 - Italy - Cannibal/Action

Dir: Antonio Margheriti

Unlike almost every other Italian cannibal film from this era, Cannibal Apocalypse takes place in a urban city setting rather than a jungle.  The opening scenes however, take place in Vietnam. The abundance of American military stock footage used in these scenes are a clear testament to the movie's budget restraints.  Two starved American POW's are found being held captive in a deep hole in the ground, it quickly becomes apparent that these men have resorted to cannibalism.  These men eventually bring the habit home with them and somehow it spreads across the city like some sort of disease.

The responsibility of  unraveling the mystery of the spreading cannibalism fad falls upon Norman, (played by John Saxon)  the soldier who had originally found the POW's. Norman is plagued by nightmares of the war and quite possibly a bad case of PTSD, but his issues cant compare that that of the men he had rescued..

This film has no shortage of action, there are plenty of gunfights and cap bustin', showdowns with the police and fights with thugs on the street, to be honest theres more shooting than there is flesh munching.  Unfortunately, despite all the action this film still manages to drag at parts, as there are lulls of action in the film that don't manage to contribute any significant substance to the plot.  The plot itself starts to get a little strange, characters begin making decision that didn't seem very realistic, and there were a couple of holes in the story too.

Cannibal Apocalypse is overall an entertaining film, but it cant live up the the sheer brutality of other Italian Cannibal films from the era (Cannibal Ferox, Cannibal Holocaust and Jungle Holocaust, even Zombie Holocaust, which strangely enough has more cannibals than zombies in it.)  The gore is there, but there isn't a huge amount of it, and most of it doesn't look too great, which certainly hurts a movie in this type of sub-genre.

In conclusion, the flick is worth a watch if you are a fan of the genre, and I would suggest grabbing a copy of the DVD asap as it recently went out of print and I expect the price will begin to rise.

Plot - 6/10
Blood n' Guts - 6/10
Acting - 6.5/10
Action - 7.5/10
OVERALL - 6.5/10


The POW's in captivity.

A showdown in a shopping center. 

 Thugs looking for a fight.

 A rather lackluster attempt at eye gouge FX.

Burned alive in a sewer.

Stacy

 Stacy - 2001 - Japan - Zombie/Splatter

Stacy is a film I have been trying to get my hands on for many years,, either due to botched amazon deliveries or other issues I haven't been able to see it until now.  Stacy revolves around zombie school girls aged 15-17 known as "Stacies" who for some reason experience something called NDH "near death happiness" and turn into raving lunatic zombies.
 Stacy is silly and tongue in cheek, and like many overly gory low budget Japanese movies made as of late it feels like you are watching a live action manga.  Unfortunately when no one is getting mutilated Stacy fills time with lengthy scenes of "quirky" dialogue and situations that wind up just seeming boring. It introduces entirely too may dull and drab characters that I would much prefer to see just get chopped up than tell their life story.
The over the top blood n guts are where Stacy stands out the most.  The majority of the gore FX are delightful and the chainsaw scenes (although few and far between) don't hold back at all, they are shown in all their gory glory.
The camera work in Stacy is occasionally impressive and professional looking considering the budget, however shots are often squandered by flat lighting, a typically seen problem in B-movies.
One thing that is particularly obvious throughout is the abundance of American horror movie references and homages.  The chainsaws in the film are known as "Bruce Campbell's Right Hand 2", a blatant Evil Dead 2 reference, and the zombie killing task force was named Romero.  The makers of this film were clearly smitten with George Romero, as some scenes within the film so closely resembled scenes of Romero's Day Of The Dead that it felt more like a ripoff than a tribute. 
One thing that particularly annoyed me about Stacy was the ending, and how it went on...and on...and on.  The writer clearly didnt know how to wrap the film up and although it only has an 80 minute runtime there were about 5 times towards the last half hour of the film where it could have easily ended, but didn't.  It spent entirely too much time trying to tie in a love themed back-story to the plot, and clearly didn't know how to properly go about doing so.
In conclusion, Stacy has its moments but overall was a bit disappointing...Simply, If you are not a gorehound, chances are you will not find Stacy all that enjoyable.



Blood n' Guts - 8/10
Action - 6.5/10
Plot - 5/10
Acting - 5.5/10 
OVERALL - 6/10

A "stacy" gets liquidated by "romero"

The promotional bunnies showing off "Bruce Cambell's Right Hand 2"

 Exposed brain Stacy

A scene that greatly resembles a scene from Day Of The Dead.

Preparation for a bloody finale

Zombie Cult Massacre

Zombie Cult Massacre - 1998 - USA - Zombie/Splatter

Zombie Cult Massacre bears the dreaded Sub Rosa Studios stamp.  For those of who don't know, Sub Rosa is a company that releases the most micro budget, Z-grade backyard schlock available on compact disc. The majority of films I see by this company stink to high heaven, but i sift through them here and there to find the rare "diamonds in the rough".  Zombie Cult Massacre is one of these.

I am going to make one thing perfectly clear if I haven't already: Zombie Cult Massacre isn't even CLOSE to being a well made film.  The picture quality is terrible, specks of dust and dirt on the lens are clearly visible multiple times and scenes are often blown out and overexposed, and at times you can even spot the shadow of the cameraman.  The acting is predictably horrific, and the sound levels are all over the place.  There's also a good deal of terrible CGI effects thrown in as well, most of which evoke a chuckle.  This may sound pretty unappealing to many, but this steaming pile of shit manages to entertain heavily despite its long list of setbacks.

This film is loaded with absurdity.  First off it revolves around a maniacal, drug addled religious cult hell bent on brain washing its inhabitants, fighting off hordes of zombies and biker gangs, and letting mad scientists do wacko experiments in some sort of torture dungeon. The cult is led by a total alcoholic weirdo named Jeffrey, who preaches insane garbage and sleeps with almost every damn broad in the film.  ("You have been chosen to receive my seed!")  To top it off he even sings a cringe worthy song backed by his all-cult rock band about how "damn evil" he is.

Zombie Cult Massacre is chock full of blood and boobs.  Within the first 5 minutes of the film a shotgun toting blond fights off zombies and eventually gets both of her laughably enormous and blatantly fake prosthetic tits ripped off.  The gore and decapitations don't really start to pick up until the last half an hour or so, but when it does its relentless, and often coupled with a heavy metal score!

The drug sequences in ZCM are also particularly hilarious.  Whatever kind of wacky shit they shoot up transports them to a hallucinatory hellish dimension, coupled with god awful green screened dungeon scenery and a smack talking, booze guzzling devil with silly man tits.  "You a little tense? Well I guess your allowed, I mean, I am the fuckin' devil right!?"

Keep in mind, Zombie Cult Massacre is a Z movie, not a B movie.  The vast majority of normal movie watchers won't enjoy this film, but if your a weirdo like myself who loves to laugh at and bathe in the ridiculousness of steaming piles of shit like this, you may find yourself enjoying it a good deal!  Great flick to watch with a like minded buddy.

 

Ive been in possession of this DVD for many years.  Apparently its out of print now and goes for a good deal of money on Amazon, perhaps you'll be able to find it for cheaper elsewhere.  Here it is on Amazon if your willing to fork out the cash for it - ZCM DVD 


Plot - 8/10
Acting - 3/10
Picture - 2/10
Action - 7.5/10
Blood n' Guts - 8/10
Cheese - 9/10
OVERALL - 8/10


Chest damage!

Satan plays with his man tits in front of a terrible green screen job

Butchered in the face!

Bikers vs. Occultists

Zombies vs. Bikers!