Samurai Cop

Samurai Cop - 1989 - USA - Action/Exploitation

Dir: Amir Shervan

Samurai Cop is bad. The production value, acting, music, choreography, even the art direction, are all deplorable.  But if you're like me and you get a kick out of terrible movies, Samurai Cop is great fun.

This film costars Robert Z'Dar, the man with the invincible chin.  You may know him from his role in Maniac Cop and his small part as a convict in the buddy cop flick Tango & Cash.  If you have seen him before, you will recognize him.  The chin is unmistakable, and unstoppable.

Samurai Cop dumps you right into the action from the get go. Robert Z'dar, who plays a mob boss big shot for a Japanese gang named Katana, starts doing some wheeling and dealing with some other Asian gangs, which almost immediately results in some sort of small scale gang war.  To be honest its so poorly scripted its nearly impossible to tell whats going on at first, or who's fighting/shooting at who. Suddenly, Samurai Cop and his trusty sidekick intercept one of the gangs' drug deals, and a lengthy chase ensues.  This film has plenty of bizarre transitions such as this one, most likely attributed to it's broken script.

The plot revolves a man named Joe Marshall, a cop trained in Japan for martial arts, who is hired by the local police department to fix the city's gang problem. Joe Marshall, the Samurai Cop, has a giant, flowing mop of overly groomed black hair, and somehow seems to charm the pants off of every girl that appears on the screen, even ones associated with the gang he is assigned to get rid of.  His acting is so shitty its mind boggling, but all these attributes boost the characters' absurdity and bring about some good hearty laughs.

Samurai Cop's charm lies almost entirely in it's shittyness.  It's not tongue and cheek in the least.  There were a few times when film goes for a joke, but the real hilarity ensues within it's sincerity at actually attempting to be a serious film. 

The script in and of itself is a source of chuckles.  Some of the lines exchanged between characters are jaw droppingly insane.  Several times throughout the film I laughed out loud and thought "did they really just say that?".  There's plenty of one liners, but they are so bad they can barely be acknowledged.

Here's some more aspects of the film that attribute to its legendarily crappy reputation. The god awful 80's synth score. It's positively delightful.  The fight choreography, something that this film has a heavy dose of, is pretty pathetic as well.  There's no shortage of laughably bad fight scenes, and one particularly hilarious scene of a guy falling down a set of stairs as carefully as he possibly can.  Its clear that a few of the Asian gentlemen have a little bit of real life martial arts training, but the Samurai Cop himself seems to have little to none.

Many films of this caliber suffer from issues with pacing, but Samurai Cop never seems to slow down.  Its action packed from start to finish, and the laughs never stop. Watch it with a friend, crack open a few cold ones and let the laughs begin.
Certified Gem.


Action - 8.5/10
Choreography - 2/10
Blood n' Guts - 2/10
Laughs - 8/10
Acting - 1/10
OVERALL - 8/10

 Joe Marshall: Samurai Cop

 A baddie gets decapitated!

 Robert Z'Dar.  For the record that's %10 beard and %90 chin.

 How am I supposed to take this scene seriously with that in the background?

 A showdown between Samurai cop and this dude.

 Samurai Cop, WTF are you wearing?

The almighty chin wields a katana.

Run And Kill

Run And Kill - 1993 - Hong Kong - Action/Revenge

Mr. Ng, AKA "Fatty" is a downright silly, fun-loving character.  He loves his wife and young daughter, and seems to lead a pretty good life.  But that all changes quickly when he catches his wife cheating on him. Confused, upset and broken, Fatty goes to the local bar to drown his misery with tequila.  In a drunken stupor out on the alleyway behind the bar, he accidentally stumbles upon his words, and hires someone to murder her despite the fact the cannot pay the hefty fee charged by the assassins.  A large group of criminals, including a ruthless and unstoppable madman Ching Fung, played by Simon Yam, do everything in their power to get rid of Fatty and everything he holds dear.  Fatty must fight till his last breathe to save himself and his family despite overwhelming odds!

The action in Run And Kill is completely over the top and hyper-violent.  In traditional Hong Kong style, fight scenes are of grand scale. and include people flying about the screen, kicking punching shooting and stabbing at breakneck pace. There's plenty of bloodshed and arterial spray, as well as a few shockingly creative kills.  This all leads up to an epic, one on one showdown to the death finale, which is my favorite part of the film by far.

The lead performances are all great and highly entertaining.  Kent Cheng gives it his all as Fatty, a highly enjoyable, over the top and immensely physical performance, which manages to evoke a few good laughs with his facial expressions alone.  Simon Yam is also great as the depraved madman  Ching Fung, certainly an intimidating actor.  The Inspector is also played by well known Hong Kong actor Danny Lee (from John Woo's The Killer and video nasty The Untold Story).

The DVD is the only version available to the US, unfortunately it is not without its issues.  Not only are the subtitles badly translated at times, but they can be pretty hard to see during certain brightly lit scenes.  Don't let this deter you from grabbing it though, its a massively entertaining action movie and well worth your time, grab a copy.  Certified gem.



Plot - 7.5/10
Action - 8.5/10
Blood n' Guts - 5/10
Acting - 8/10
OVERALL - 8/10

Fatty makes a fateful drunken decision in an alleyway.

 A creative kill.

 Ching Fung takes out the trash.

...And ventilates an entire room.

 A standoff.

One of Fatty's great facial expressions

A Day Of Violence

A Day Of Violence - 2010 - UK - Crime/Exploitation

A Day Of Violence is a British crime flick that is aptly named.  It kicks off with an overly long sex scene that can be compared to a softcore porn, then spares no time getting to the bloodshed.

The story revolves around Mitchell, a debt collector employed by a local gang that kills a man and collects the gang's debt for himself.  Unfortunately he leaves behind some incriminating evidence at the scene and ends up fighting for his life against his own gang.
   
It quickly becomes obvious there there is not but a single character in this movie that isn't a totally depraved sadist.  Even the lead character spares no expense in torturing and killing those non deserving, and lacking moral values.  I'm all for the anti-hero characters, but unfortunately this one I found myself struggling to identify with, and didn't root for his survival.

A Day Of Violence has a good amount of blood and guts, and most of it looks pretty convincing (particularly a nasty castration scene involving hedge cutters).  The make-up effects are great, and I couldn't spot any CGI which is always commendable in newer low budget movies.  Despite all the kills looking great, most of them weren't all that fun to watch..  Many of the death scenes were so sadistic and undeserved that I couldn't find myself enjoying them.  I think this might also have something to do with the acting.

Most of the actors overact their roles.  The gang members all try entirely too hard to seem angry and intimidating, but wind up swearing all too often and come off as annoying and unconvincing.  This goes for the lead character as well.

Where A Day Of Violence excels the most is in its shoot outs.  The shoots outs are very well done, there's loads of blood and debris flying all about and the bodies pile up pretty quickly.  Sadly the shootouts don't start until the last third or so of the film.  Has there been more of them, this would have been a much more entertaining film.



Plot - 7/10
Action - 6.5/10
Blood n' Guts - 7.5/10
Effects - 8.5/10
Acting - 6/10
OVERALL - 6/10 


Mitchell collects some debts

The gang mercilessly beats a previous member.

Mitchell turns the tables against the gang

Takin' no shit

 A gang member clears the path to a doorway.

Live Like A Cop, Die Like A Man

Live Like A Cop, Die Like A Man - 1976 - Italy - Action/Exploitation

The Italians were some of my favorite film makers during the '70s and '80s, they broke the mold for video violence.  To quote the godfather of gore Lucio Fulci "Violence is an Italian art."   This one is made by Infamous Italian director Ruggero Deodato, who is known for making some of the most shockingly violent and controversial films available, such as the relentlessy brutal and widely banned Cannibal Holocaust.

This flick starts off with a bang, with a highly impressive and kick ass motorcycle chase, including some pretty daring stunts.  The chase looked immensely dangerous to shoot, especially considering it was done in downtown Rome with apparently no permits from the city or permission of any kind.  That's guerrilla film making at its best, folks.

Live Like a Cop, Die Like a Man is essentially just a violent buddy cop movie.  Think of them as Starsky and Hutch only with little regard for human life, and getting around on a motorcycles instead of a Gran Torino.  These two cops kill criminals without much hesitation, much to the dismay of their superior officer.

The two cops, Fred and Tony, make a pretty good team.  They are employed as a "special force" tasked with taking down criminal organizations.  Not only do these two ride the same motorcycle and take down baddies together, they happen to fancy the same women a couple times as well.

Despite this film being often coined as "ultra violent", its a little tame by today's standards.  Certainly for this time period the kind of ruthless and emotionless killing perpetrated by these police was rarely seen in action movies, but today it's not all that shocking to tell you the truth.  I wouldn't classify the flick as soft or anything, there's a few hard to watch torture scenes and a head turning eye gouging, as well as some good shoot-outs, but compared to Deodato's later flicks it's nothing.

Live Like a Cop, Die Like a Man is an entertaining 70's shoot 'em up with a great funky 70's soundtrack, and most likely had a good amount of influence on later cop movies despite it being little known by the general public. (Quentin Tarantino is a fan of this one, and references it in one of his films)  If you like these kinda European 70's exploitation flicks you may find yourself enjoying this one a good deal, give it a watch.

Plot - 6.5/10
Action - 6.5/10
Blood n' Guts - 2/10
Violence - 7/10
Acting - 7.5/10
OVERALL - 7/10

Some daring stunts

Comin' through!

A hostage situation.

Fred blasts through a window on his hog and takes some dudes out.

Tony assassinates in broad daylight

The boys ride out.

Red Scorpion

Red Scorpion - 1988 - USA - Action 

Red Scorpion is a late 80's action flick starring all time great action legend Dolph Lundgren.  Dolph plays a Russian Spetsnatz mercenary who is shipped off to Africa and hired to assassinate the leader of a rebel movement.  This mission doesn't last long as Dolph doesn't play by the rules and quickly ruins his credibility by getting wasted at a local bar and randomly kicking every ass that blocks his path and discharging a full clip of a submachine gun.  He is then imprisoned, but not for long... He busts out with some cell mates (including M. Emmet Walsh, who gives a highly entertaining performance) and goes on the run!

Dolph's character is a man of few words, and the few sentences that he speaks are often hard to understand due to his thick Russian accent.  One thing is for sure though, Dolph's character is one no nonsense, tough mother fucker.  He's the kind of pseudo superhuman action hero that punches dents in steel doors and lifts entire trucks by himself.  He will diffuse a situation with lightning speed by crushing bones with his massive 2 ton fists, or accurately ventilating everyone on screen with an RPK.  Lets just say the bad guys go down pretty hard in this one, something I always find desirable in an action movie.

The main flaw with Red Scorpion is its attempt at sentimentality.  Dolph ends up befriending several Africans, including a bushman, and begins sympathize with the native peoples and question the moral values of  his mission.  This is all good and well in theory, however I don't think it fits well in this type of cheesy 80's action flick.  I like my action movies pure and mindless, especially my B-grade ones.. Why bother with the sentimental crap when you could replace it with bullets and explosions?  I know this sounds ignorant, but the long pauses in death and destruction in this movie really brought it down a few notches.  That being said, all of the action scenes are exciting and satisfying, and Red Scorpion in a fun flick despite it's flaws.

You can find the DVD on Amazon - Red Scorpion DVD  and the movie is also currently on Netflix if you have it.

Plot - 5/10
Action - 7.5/10
Blood n' guts - 2/10
Acting - 7/10
OVERALL - 7/10



Dolph doesn't like being in a cell....

M. Emmet Walsh and his cellmate hide in the back of the getaway vehicle

Lundgren uses his ludicrous strength to lift a military truck out of a pothole.

Potato masher epic fail...

A truly great shot.

Deadly Prey

Deadly Prey - 1988 - USA - Action/Exploitation

In Vietnam he was the best...

...HE STILL IS

I'm going to start this review of by simply stating that Deadly Prey is fucking fantastic.  Its been a long time since I've stumbled upon a gem as shiny as this one.

Deadly Prey starts off with a credit sequence in which every big ass gun known to man gets loaded with clips and ammo in close up shots between names of cast and crew.  From there a group of rowdy mercenaries chase a man through the woods accompanied with some awful generic 80's music.  It soon becomes apparent that this poor fellow being chased is a laughably horrific actor...along with every other actor in the film.  All the acting pretty much stinks, but it all adds to the charm of this flick.

The plot closely resembles that of John Woo's  Hard Target.  People are randomly abducted from the street and used as bait for mercenary training, set loose and hunted down.  But they picked up the wrong guy this time.  They picked up Vietnam war hero Micheal Danton,  a 'roid ragin, mullet sportin' badass, and the hunters soon begin to become the prey!

Our hero Micheal Danton was fully clothed when he was abducted from his suburban neighborhood, but for some reason appears at the mercenary camp with nothing but a pair of cutoff jean short-shorts.  He is set loose into the woods and the body count quickly starts racking up.

Danton ruthlessly begins picking off baddies at a break-neak pace.  Stabbing, shooting, blasting, choking, mangling and punching his way through hoards of mercenaries.  The action is surprisingly satisfying and looks pretty convincing for the most part considering the very low production value.  There isn't much blood shed, however there's some great impalement scenes and most of the kills are rather brutal, and to top it off Danton occasionally mutters an angry "Fuck you" before he offs someone.  It's exactly as cool as it sounds.  This extremely fast pace keeps up throughout the entire film, and is complimented with some hilariously bad dialogue and one liners, like "Now you're gonna die, tough boy!"  I found myself laughing out loud several times.

As the film nears its end Micheal Danton gets further hellbent for revenge, becoming an even nastier badass.  He even kills a guy by hacking off his arm with a machete, beating him to death with his own severed arm, and scalping him!  Fucking wonderful.

I was extremely happy with this film and wouldn't hesitate for a second to recommend it to someone.  It may be a blatant Rambo rip-off, and it may be so cheesy that some folks wouldn't be able to sit through it, but I absolutely loved it.  Deadly Prey is certainly what I would consider a "Gem".



You can get the DVD from Amazon, however there's no "official" DVD releases, and the ones sold are all DVD-R's however they have all the cover artwork and disc artwork as well.  - Deadly Prey DVD

If you don't want to spend money on a bootleg you can find the entire film on Youtube - Here's a link

Plot - 4/10
Acting - 2/10
Action - 10/10
Blood n' Guts - 4/10
Cheese - 9/10
OVERALL - 9/10

Opening sequence

Danton interrogates a bad guy at knife point.

 Mike eats a real, live worm.  Delicious.

 GAAAAAHH!

 GRRRRRRRR!!

 YYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEUAAAAAAAAAGGGHHH!!!!

Stone Cold

Stone Cold - 1991 - Action/Exploitation

Within the first 60 seconds of watching Stone Cold I knew I was in for something special.  It opens with a supermarket holdup scene similar to that of Cobra (a personal favorite action flick of mine), introducing our star, former pro football player Brian "The Boz" Bosworth.  This is his first feature length film of his acting career, and he appears on the screen with a gloriously awful leather jacket and mullet to end all mullets, he proceeds to whoop all asses in sight and deliver some cringe-worthy one liners... and it's all ridiculousness from then on.

 This is a biker movie of epic proportions.  Brian Bosworth is employed by the FBI to infiltrate and dismantle a nasty, Nazi biker gang, headed  by Lance Henriksen of Pumpkinhead and Aliens fame, accompanied by a young William Forsythe, playing his usual entertaining and overacted "insane/unstable bad guy" role.  Their biker compound is filled with over the top tough guys and high caliber ladies showing their tits, looks like a real party.  As for a plot beyond that, don't expect much.

One of this film's most redeeming values is its level of exaggerated masculinity and mile high testosterone levels, an aspect that I find essential for a good cheesy action flick.  Bosworth's character almost seems to try a little too hard to seem tough at times, accompanied with his ridiculous outfits and awful mullet it's pretty hard to take seriously.  Henriksen's character is particularly badass however, he is more soft spoken and subtle than the rest of the rowdy biker gang.  This film is certainly not lacking badassery, even though some of it seems a little ham-handed.

The violence level in this one isn't particularly high, there certainly a decent body count and some good kills, but until the last act its not as faced paced as one would expect. 

Oh yeah, but there's explosions.  Everything that looks like it could explode, most likely will.  Never gets old if you ask me.
Anyways, I was quite happy with this absurd little film, certainly got some good laughs out of it and wouldn't hesitate recommending it to those who enjoy a big block of cheese with their action flicks.  Give it a watch


Plot - 3/10
Blood n' Guts - 2.5/10
Action - 7/10
Cheese - 8.5/10
OVERALL - 7.5/10

You can get the DVD here:  Stone Cold DVD

William Forsythe plays William Tell with beer

William Forythe returns fire

Bosworth plays with his pet reptile....

Henriksen looking cool, The Boz looking hilarious.

explosions, explosions, and more explosions!